The Noodles Must Be Laced
by Rionarch
Summary: It's the only way for Naruto and Karin to even begin to understand why they can be together. indefinite hiatus
1. Chapter 1

AN: I had to do it. This crack pairing has been bothering me since she's shown up. Emphasis on CRACK. Seriously you shouldn't even read this. Go back.

NEW: some edits done

* * *

In one of his brief moments of wondering what was going on in his spinney little brain, Naruto decided that the responsible thing to do would be to contact another ninja and subdue the Team Hebi.

Of course, Sasuke merely bribed Naruto with a bowl or two of ramen from the nearest village. By some miracle Tsunade had allowed Naruto to go with Jiraiya to collect information on the remaining Akatsuki members, specifically Itachi Uchiha. They had found each other to be across the hallway, Rooms E12 and E15 much like the begining of their 'adventure' a little more then four years before. Juugo and Suigetsu cared little about the two Konoha ninjas, far more concerned with getting some food before their 'leader' made them go _another _three cities without stop. When it came to Sasuke it was Itachi or bust- more often then not a bust.

Jiraiya took one good look around, grinned at Naruto and Sasuke, and was off! Almost as if he never truely intended on doing- what, that sounded about right. The red head behind Sasuke looked a bit disturbed at the Ero-sennin's disappearance and looked at the two boys for clarity. Sasuke merely shook his head- he'd heard stories about Jiraiya from both Naruto and Orochimaru.

"Damn Ero-sennin! He was just using this as a peeping trip wasn't he?!" Naruto's eyes bulged out while he started screaming obscenities about how he was going to castrate that teacher of his. –Dattebayo!

"Dobe. You haven't changed in the least bit have you?" Karin saw Sasuke smile took a good look at the "Dobe" in front of her. He was covered in orange clothing, spiky hair, and a real stupid look on his face. From his temper and chakra she expected him to start fussing and screaming at her Sasuke. His eyes slanted like a foxes and he grinned.

"Hehe. Not a chance Teme. So, killed your brother yet?" Now it was _her_ turn for bulging eyes. Not even Suigetsu had come out and say it so bluntly.

"Who do you think you are?! How dare you say something like that to Sasuke. You stupid jerk!" Karin went to punch the idiot blonde when Sasuke's hand stopped her fist from connecting to the face. The dobe hadn't even moved and inch, but started giggling some more.

"Wha?" Sasuke let go of her arm and smirked appeared again only slightly more subdued.

"Karin, This is Naruto Uzumaki, Konoha's Number One Most Surprising Ninja. Dobe, this is Karin. She's helping us track him down." Naruto hugged her and let go before she even realized what was going on.

"Teme's got a girlfriend! And you'd better kill him soon. They've got Gaara already. He's alive but the Ichibi was taken out of him." Karin leaned against the wall for a minute. It was obvious that this ninja wasn't the brightest lightbulb in the building, but he knew about Sasuke's brother, the Akatsuki, and about the jinchuriki! She took off her glasses and massaged the bridge of her nose wondering what to do about the well informed ninja. They were gone when she looked up but just followed their trail to a ramen stand.

Karin took the seat next to Sasuke and watched as Naruto swallowed bowls of the soup. He and Sasuke made ideal chit chatter about things she had never heard of and others that she had, which only confused her some more.

Why would he know about the battle at the Bridge with one of Suigetsu's idols?

The three Sannin and their vices and lack of virtues?

The Mangekyou Sharingan?! It took her a month of research and Class A access from Orochimaru to fond out about that and it still wasn't complete data.

"Karin, I'm going to find Suigetsu and Juugo. Why don't you stay here with the Dobe for now." It wasn't a question, Sasuke Uchiha never questions. She nodded and slid over into his seat next to Naruto. After she felt his chakra leave hearing range, she turned onto Naruto.

"Who are you and how do you know all that stuff about Sasuke!" And again that _dobe_ giggled at her.

"I'm his best friend and his teammate. For everything that we've been talking about I've been with him for." He paused in the noodle slurping and looked directly at her. It was kind of overwhelming to just be stared at by someone so freakishly out of the ordinary. Sometimes when Sasuke stared at her it felt liek she was being taken apart piece by piece, but it made sense given his doujutsu and all. Not from this technicolor nightmare.

"But how do you know about all the Akatsuki and jinchuriki? The only reason he knows is because of his brother." Karin sniffed and looked at him like prey. That looked spazzed out when the idiot started laughing again! Pulling back her arm to slug him he stopped laughing and looked at her again.

"C'mon your smart. Sasuke wouldn't leave himself with stupid girls. Can't you figure it out?" He grazed the whisker scars on his cheek. Oh. Right. He _was_ from Konoha after all and it would make sense.

"Kyuubi? But..but you're such an idiot!" Karin couldn't believe that the nine-tailed fox was inside of this dobe. How did Konoha last for as long as it did? The dobe scowled at her and she realized just how damn peaceful he was. She, who didn;t even know him, him called him an idiot several times, had tried to punch him, and just insulted his pride and he still hadn't taken a single swipe at her.

"I'm not that stupid you know! Besides I'm not the one hanging off of Teme's arm and _still _get treated like nothing." was good at lows blows too it seemed. He went back to eating his ramen while the glass in Karin's glasses started to crack with the mounting pressure. A loud crack could be heard from the stand and all hell broke loose. A small child who played witness before his mother covered his ears from the obscenities said that a bowl of ramen attacked the orange boy.

* * *

Sasuke had no intents or purpose in finding Juugo or Suigetsu yet. The fight between Karin and Naruto could be heard from even where he was standing alone. Or at least assumed was. In the tree beside him Jiraiya dropped down while closing his telescope.

"So...So… How feisty is she? I mean you _know _that Naruto likes girls that can punch but looks like she's been around the snake's base a little too long, eh?" Sasuke paid no attention to Jiraiya's rambling- he wasn't Naruto.

Because he knew that Jiraiya knew, who knew that he knew, but he did just to annoy him. Oh Yeah, Sasuke got it. Both ninja stopped their jabbing and staring at Karin's scream.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN SASUKE'S GAY?" Jiraiya winced at the crack made by his apprentice hitting the sidewalk.

---

Juugo had unfortunately disappeared after Sasuke had killed Itachi two years ago. Surveillance last spotted him on some isolated island in a reasonably decent mood. Suigetsu returned to the land of the Mist with Zabuza and Kisame's swords. The Eldest of the swordsmen was more then happy with this.

Sasuke returned to Konoha under strict regulations for the first few months. Sakura proceeded to try again with Sasuke only to find that her competition had gotten a bit more widespread. Ino laughed at the "Welcome Back Sasuke-Kun" letter piles in front of the Uchiha district. Neji wouldn't laugh in public but the gossip queen claimed he started tearing and choking from laughter.

"Na-ru-to! Why won't Sasuke give me a chance? Stop laughing Ino-pig!" Sakura, Ino, and Naruto were eating a quick lunch at Ichiraku's when the familiar, on the dot, never late, whine of Sakura began.

"Sakura-chan…he's gay. I'm serious. Plus you deserve way better then him." Naruto gave a less obvious TADA! pose then he had when he had been younger. Still didn't work. At least he didn't feel the need to get squirrels to partake in a Sakura Blossom show like Lee.

"What Naruto is trying to say is go for somebody better, more reliable, like a stuffed teddy bear." Ino too tilted her eyebrow to Naruto but Sakura would have none of it. Her hair left its reasonable state with the mounting pressure towards the two blondes. It seemed like their lives were dedicated to annoying her personally.

Somewhere in the Chunin Exam rooms, Shikamaru sneezed.

"I WILL NOT DATE –" The scream and punch to Naruto was cut off when a red haired girl launched herself onto Naruto and started sobbing on him.

"NARUTO! Who the hell is Sai?!" Ino and Sakura just stared at Naruto comforting the girl who somehow knew about Sai. He purple clothes looked a little ragged and they had ink stains on them, indicating a probable fight with Sai. Ino was the first to speak (Why wouldn't the gossip queen want to know the new girl?).

"Hey uhh, who are you?" The red head slid into Sakura's abandoned seat and pulled Naruto's ramen with her. Sakura stood like a statue still trying to make sense of what was going on. Karin sniffled while eating _her_ ramen and ignored Ino and Sakura completely.

"Dobe…Dobe you were right." Naruto somehow wormed the chopsticks out of her hand and into his own, but what startled the other was that _he was feeding them both_.

"Told you so Karin." If Ino had one trait in common with the Legendary Jiraiya, it would be their ability to dash off at a moments notice and gossip at the same time. Unfortunately, there was another even less desirable trait between them; a certain lack of personal privacy. Really, that might have been the entire basis of Naruto and Ino's tentative friendship. That and she was a willing model for Jiraiya.

Sakura woke up to Hinata prodding her pressure points. The shy girl looked at her and with a hand raised. Instead of the normally calm look on her face there was extreme displeasure.

"Sakura-chan…did you see Naruto and a foreigner named Karin here?" After Sakura nodded Hinata continued.

"Did you do anything to get her off his lap?" No, I just woke up duh Hinata! Inner Sakura was fuming at the stupid question. Unfortunately for her Hinata could read minds (Or she was mumbling out loud.) Hinata's eye twitched for a minute before a hand came and knock her out again.

Hinata's eyes shadowed over thinking about how Neji-kun had tried to kill her during exams. She'd have to have a conversation with him about a certain _Karin_.

She considered herself a peaceful person, but this meant _war_.

Karin was living in the Uchiha complex- she may have not been "with" Sasuke but he sort of dragged her to Konoha. She sneezed away from the tea she was sharing with Sasuke. He for once started the conversation head on, probably as sort of apology for not telling her about Sai.

"You and the Dobe? Congratulations those poor kids won't know what happened to them."

And it will be said for that night marked a new landmark in Sasuke's book. Being kicked in the face by one of his (former) fangirls.

A/N2: I told you this was pointless crack. But it's been bothering me something fierce. I personally hate it but maybe somebody'll get a laugh out of it.


	2. Chapter 2

AN: I can't believe people actually _liked_ this? Here's a second part for you.

NEW: Some edits

---

It only took a few days for the sandal marks to disappear from Sasuke's face and during that time Konoha's perspective on the girl from the Sound changed. _Why_ pint sized ninjas helped her with groceries and random chores through the city and randomly giggled confused her to no end. The ramen people were quite friendly to her- go figure and the academy teacher seemed to think it was his personal mission to educate her in Konoha's history. He was good at it but the whole set fo circumstances only confused her. Karin had met a few more of the Rookie Nine, including a very bloody encounter with Sai and her foot.

Personally she felt if they were having sex they should at least match somehow. Ino found it funny at least. It wasn't until Karin met Hinata that the smiles and glares towards her made a bit more sense.

"Karin-san, do you have a moment?" Karin was just cooling down from a small training exercise to keep herself in shape. While she wasn't an official ninja of Konoha yet it would not do to be rusty _if_ she were ever given the hitie-ate. A blank eyed girl smaller then her approached soundlessly looking only slightly aggravated.

"Uhmm, yes?" CRACK!

Karin's glasses hung off of one ear while the opposite cheek shined red from the slap. Despite being a well trained Kunoichi for quite a few years, she just stared stupidly at the girl in front of her.

"What was that for?!"

The girl's purple jacket swung off and she moved into a stance she'd seen Sasuke do once or twice. Obviously he copied it from her or her clan. Her footwear denoted nobility of some kind but the girl's natural fitness practically screamed ninja clan. There dark clothes underneath the jacket and her body was nearly shaking in anger.

"You…you dirty tramp! How could you just lead Naruto-kun like that and not even appreciate him?"

_This girl is out of her mind._ When Karin saw the tears welling in her opponents eyes she backed up and moved into her own stance. An upset Kunoichi was never a gentle one. Where the hell she was getting this idea about her and the dobe were unbelievable though/ When the girl moved to hit her Karin slide under the arm and shot her leg straight up into her opponent's jaw. A few fingers tapped into Karin's shoulder paralyzing the chakra there and Karin back away a few feet.

_A Hyuuga, of course! How stupid could I be to not see that._ Karin tried to make a seal but it was difficult what that pathway being blocked. The only satisfaction was that Hyuuga had a broken and bloody jaw. Hyuuga ran towards her again and her strikes came faster then before. Since Karin could only dodge so many she used her right arm to take even more pathway damage. While her arm was distracting the other girl Karin pulled out a kunai and dug her knee into the other's stomach. In the moment she pulled the girl's head back and slashed the kunai across her face before retreating another few feet. It would be a tough battle if this went on much longer. Both of their skills relied on chakra control and the exact points of it.

Her right arm was useless as it just flopped there, chakra damage and general impact bruises decorated the length of it. The Hyuuga, however, was doing far worse with a deep gash to go with the broken jaw. Just as Karin was about to throw the kunai towards a vital spot they were interrupted.

"Hinata-sama. What did you do to her?" A man who had the same blank eyes as _Hyuuga Hinata_ went to gather her up and glared at her. Dimly she was aware that this was Ino's beau, not that it meant much to her. The other person was slowly walking towards them.

_Impressive glare. Seen better though._ Sasuke appeared in front of her and blocked the other Hyuuga's glare.

"Karin get to the house now." She knew that tone of voice and took off to her bed. It was very reminiscent of their Akatsuki hunt and almost demeaning towards her, but she knew he didn't mean it. He never really was one for kind words. As she passed through the village she sneered in disgust. No wonder Orochimaru-sama left Kohona. They were all psychotic assholes.

---

Karin made it a point to leave the Uchiha district whenever Sai came around but usually that meant just wandering the streets for a few hours. Back in the sound base she'd check up on the patients when she was bored or train with a friend- here she had neither.

_Well I wouldn't say that…_Despite all her intellect she could not understand why seemingly random ninja choose to associate with her. A ninja academy teacher, one genin ninja squad, the ramen people, and the Hokage's assistant all went out of their way to make her comfortable. Every now and again she'd run into Anko who had drilled her for Orochimaru related information upon first entering the Leaf but that was one person she did _not_ want to meet again.

It might be due to the fact that Karin fully supported _and_ studied the experiments on Anko's files in the Sound but whatever. Maybe they'd let her dismantle Orochimaru's base here. He had left in a hurry and probably left things behind.

The rookie nine, save Hinata ( who had a nice scar on her face thanks to her!) were pleasant enough. The pink haired girl was always a bit edgy towards her but that seemed to be a Sasuke-fangirl trait.

That left her with one option really. REALLY! It was the only well though out and plausible one. With two cartons of Ichiraku take out in her hands Karin found Naruto talking with a few friends of his on the "Team Seven Bridge".

"Dobe you're coming with me. I need you to move some things around the complex." Karin's greeting was a casual kick to the head but no where near as aggressively as when she tried to hurt people. He rubbed his headed and waved off his friends like nothing had happened.

"See you guys." Looking at her with that stupid kicked puppy grin and teary eyes the whining began.

"Did you have to kick me in the head? I would have helped you anyway-ttebayo!" Naruto walked along with her slurping at his noodles occasionally in generally jolly manner for someone who had just been kicked in the head. They were taking their time to get to the Uchiha's district. Neighter one of them wanted to walk in on Sasuke and Sai- it would just be too scaring to handle. It had happened to Sakura and she had been jittery for days.

"Do you think the Old Hag's going to make you a leaf ninja soon?" Little bits of noodle and vegetable sprayed out of his mouth when he spoke.

"Argh!" She dropped her head into her hands cradling it. "I've obviously spent too much time with you dobe. I can understand that gibberish you speak! As for Godaime-sama I have no idea. Defending myself against the Hyuuga heir didn't improve my standing either."

"I still can't believe Hinata would attack somebody she's too nice! But don't worry, I'm going to be the next Hokage and if the Hag doesn't register you by then I'll do it!" It was a shame to see an eighteen-year-old man look like such a little kid.

"Eh you've still got a least a few more years before that. Hope she lets me go on missions before _then_." Karin had thought she snubbed Naruto with a pretty decent insult- calling him too inexperienced to be Hokage.

Even the smart ones can be wrong sometimes it seemed.

---

For the second time since she's meet him Karin found herself being completely stared by the orange ninja and once again overwhelmed from the intensity. He finished his noodles on the way there silently and a lot calmer which unnerved her even more.

Sasuke had dragged Karin into an everyday ritual of tea drinking and talking about their days. She bet that soon enough Sai would be joining them and that Naruto would be dragged in as well and Sakura would undoubtably follow.

"…you told dobe that he had a few more years before he'd be able to be Hokage." Sasuke never asked questions nor lead into them. How the hell did he hear about that though?!

"Yes I did. Why did he really get upset over that?" If he was, Karin would eat Suigetsu's wet, moldy shoes. She'd called him worse and even attacked him on occasion, hell she took his ramen! That was almost sacrilegious itself. Sasuke pulled out a magazine out of the folds of his robes and threw it at her.

It was a wedding gown magazine. Karin bugged out.

"I AM NOT HELPING SAI PICK OUT HIS DRESS! NO NO NO NO" She started swatting it away like it was some foul bug. Sasuke chuckled.

"Its for you. You should start planning for a wedding now. You're going to become very busy soon thanks to Naruto." Shit this was serious, Sasuke actually said his name without an insult.

"Sasuke-kun? Want another imprint ON YOUR FACE!" Its amazing really how close the lines between love and rage are. There was certainly a lot of love in their one occupied house.

A lot more rage then love, but it was all good.

---

The next day Godaime-sama called Karin to her office with a hitie-ate and ninja registration. Instead of the usual look of contempt and scowl saved for Orochimaru's followers there was a smirk and appraising look.

"Congratulations. Its nice to know that someone smart is going to stick around with Naruto for a while. Just don't do something incredibly stupid."

Karin decided to figure out what exactly she'd done to get this with that smear (okay, _scar_) on her record. After she brought Naruto some ramen for lunch. Without a doubt he had _something_ to do with this. Ino's giggles from down the hall weren't helping much either.

_Why the hell are Konoha ninja always so damn happy for no reason?!_


	3. Chapter 3

AN: This seems to be my humor outlet. As for all of your questions, kindly remember this- if I did not yet write it or imply it through actions or suggestions, it has not happened(yet). No Karin and Naruto are not a couple. Didn't mean to take so long. If you want to harass me into updating just IM me at MorgaisStylus.

---

The meaningless wandering that Karin experienced in her first few months in Konoha were of the past. The _it was a nice vacation _past. The _why did I sign up for this again_ past. Karin had barely anytime to see much of the rookie nine let alone those she had actually knew.

It had been a wonderful coincidence when she and Juugo had stumbled onto each other in one of the Fire Country's many resort towns. A day spent talking, eating, and a few near rampage misses from Juugo and the two were off again on their separate ways. It was a nice break since she'd finished the mission earlier then expected.

Maybe it had been the lack of social contact from the last few weeks but before she fell asleep an uncomfortable pressure mounted in her throat and her eyes burned. She wasn't crying, it would have been ridiculous to think so. Just an awareness of just how lost she was. Karin did not miss the days of Team Hebi.

Sasuke was not the same as then. He laughed a little and seemed far more human and less idol like. Suigetsu's stupid and abusive relationship with her was (thankfully) cut and dry and _gone_ only to be replaced with a perverted grin from some socially retarded artist. Karin's friendship and fear with that lumbering child Juugo was only so-so. In Konoha there was another child with a bigger smile and larger tolerance.

She looked up at the stars when the choking faded. None of them were here now.

---

Naruto was running laps with a few of the academy students when he saw Karin slouched her way into Konoha. Her shirt was torn to shreds and barely covering her, looking less like purple and more brick red then comfort allowed.

"What the hell happened to you? You look like you lost a fight with a kunai." A swift kick to the head came before her saw her glare at him. Somehow she had managed to wrangle his shirt from him and put it on over her shorts. It looked better then the purple rags that _had_ been her shirt.

"Dobe, you are bringing me to Sasuke's house now!" With that stupid smile of his, Naruto picked Karin up onto his back and walked through the out edges of the village, stopping every now and then to say hello to a random genin he knew. Karin grew bored until she felt Haruno's chakra approach them.

"Sakura-chan! What's up?" She passed a quick smile to Naruto then looked at her. Karin felt obliged to meet that challenge.

"Haruno." Haruno just rolled her eyes and made small and barely noticeably strained chit chat with Naruto. Karin would have to look into that later, after all what did that hideously colored girl have against her? Before Haruno took off she stared at Karin much like Naruto, and sometimes Sasuke, had. It was very off putting and blood loss wan't helping much either. The girl smiled and tapped Karin's glasses a little off of her nose.

"If it's anything serious just come over to my place. The hospital is way too crowded for much to be done." Another look and Naruto went off again.

Team Seven had strange eyes. Among all the people in Konoha, Haruno and Naruto were the few that had true pupils in their light eyes. Freaks, all of them. Karin fell asleep as Naruto jumped into the Uchiha grounds.

---

Like so many of her days before, Karin found herself sitting on a stool in Ichiraku ramen booth. To her left was Sasuke, then Nara both looking as bored as she felt. The orange slurping ...thing called Naruto sat on her left with Haruno and Sai talking about some nonsense or another. Sasuke was about to say something to her when Ino dashed up and flung her out of her seat.

_Oh thank you! I can't stand that awkwardness anymore_.

If Karin could appreciate one thing about Ino, it was her welcoming teasing. Teasing was good, quiet glares were much, much worse. It was how to used to address some of her favorite wards and in turn they didn't spit at her during the cell clean ups.

"So gozen-kaminoke, how did you like touring the city with your Naru-kun?" Karin's eyes twitched and she ran to catch up to Ino who ran ahead to the Hokage tower for their joint mission of sorting through packed up paperwork from Sandaime's second office. To Ino is was her mandated _training_ to Karin is was a easy way to associate with the rest of the leaf village- knowledge was power. To the point of blundt truth it was like eating a makabishi, only much rustier.

Several hours later and the girl came to a fairly organized file- of course after the mess of every other family in Konoha A-T it was still treated as if it were their radish stock mission.

"Uzumaki-Namikaze. Naruto's family?" Ino brushed the dust off of it and handed it to Karin.

"I'll take it. Need some good dirt to annoy him with anyway." Ino chuckled and glanced at her. It was fairly thick folder with all sorts of papers sticking out of it. Almost as big as his file in the sound bases had been. Orochimaru might have been slightly insane but he was no fool and knew who his threats were.

"You sure you just don't want to start the _wedding_ invites? Who knew Sasuke had a sense of humor." Karin decided she would get her back later- gathering data on that idiot jinchuriki was much more important. Plus it might have some family details lacking in Sound.

---

The whole of team seven had been at the Uchiha compound that night celebrating something or another. She was sure she heard something about bridges and mafia but ignored it in favor of talking to Sai about how Haruno, Sasuke, and Naruto were idiots. Not one of the members had noticed. It was their sweet type of bonding. It seemed that while she and Sai could have been with another two ninja for a team they had become defacto members fo Team Seven. It even said that on their papers. Slowly but surely Team Seven was becoming a freaken cult. They had their own followers and everything.

"See you Sakura-chan! Tell Shizune I said hello!" Naruto waved off Sakura who left for her hospital shift and Sai and Sasuke went to cleaning off the dishes.

_Why won't that dobe leave now?_

Once Naruto sunk back into the couch Karin was slumped in she had no choice but ask him something strange. He probably wouldn't mind though.

"Hey Dobe, why aren't you and emotional train wreck, Konoha hating, crazy boy?" _That_ got his attention as he stared at her with a look that just screamed idiot to the twelfth degree. The 'huuuh?' did not help either. Karin felt uncomfortable dragging some of this up but wanted to know.

"I read your files today and you had a pretty crappy childhood. People in this village still don't feel comfortable with you around. Why stand for it? Sometimes its hard to think of you as a crazed jinchuriki." Naruto glared and for the first time since meeting him, he had yelled at her. Well, yelled at her and meant something by it.

"That's because I'm not. Its people who think like you just did that make life difficult for me. Yeah I know I have the right to hate every single person in Konoha right now but I don't. Even though not everyone in the village cares about me they each have their own precious people and I want them to be safe. No one should have gone through what I did, but it happens every where." Naruto was look down now and his fists were shaking and Karin could practically feel the chakra lashing around him.

"People won't do it when I'm Hokage. Someone needs to change them." Naruto cooled off but didn't speak directly to Karin for the rest of the night. Soon he and Sai left and Karin looked over at Sasuke who was watching her.

One day she'd have to figure out which one of them started that staring habit. Or at least learn it. Sai needed to learn about eye to eye contact so she had a head start.

"Karin, you really shouldn't have brought that up today." Before she could hit him for spying on them- _why did that bother her?_ He continued.

"We were celebrating the day I officially became Naruto's best friend. He was forced to kill someone in a dangerously similar situation. Everyone knows about it but just don't mention it again." Maybe it was just Naruto's negative attitude rubbing off but she couldn't help but insult them.

"Then why does he hang around us? We do nothing for his stature in the city."

"No idea. Nobody really knows what's going on in that dobe's head. Do you really want to talk Naruto out of being your friend?" Sasuke went to his room and Karin stayed in the room downing some drinks and flicked through that wedding magazine Sasuke bought a few weeks ago. The pale blue and purple one did look liek a rather nice kimono.

She wondered if she could bribe her way back into Naruto's better mood. Seems like more people kept things from him then he had thought. She didn't want to be one of them for whatever reason that meant.


	4. Chapter 4

AN: Bah. This chapter is dedicated to my friend Kimmy, whose experience made my lunch hilarious. If you know anyone who gets a tongue piercing make them say the "sally seashells" tongue twister. It's hilarious.

---

_Really_, Karin thought as she pressed the meat into the barbecue,_ I shouldn't be avoiding Naruto but it has to be done_. With a snotty look and upturned nose, Karin looked the entire bitch some had claimed her to be. Inside of the small booth Sasuke sat on the opposite side of Karin snorting into his cup before look around outside of the window.

She really didn't know why she did it. It would not technically make peace with Naruto since Haruno was his childhood (and possible still) crush, but the pranking aspect of it should score her some points.

Karin still had no idea what the mental tallies were for, but tallies are always important for accurate and precise research. She stayed quiet while chewing on her pork and looked up when Sasuke stared snickering and then a emotionless mask fell over him, which she took as her cue to feign disinterest.

"But Hag, I think it still looks pretty!" Crack! Was all the table heard before Haruno and Sai walked into their booth. Sai slid into the seat next to Sasuke while Haruno glared at her through pale hair. Instead of the light rose her hair had been, bleach had faded it to a white with no color left in it.

"I know you had something to do with this, Gozen, why did you do this?!" Haruno pointed a finger to the white hair that look out of place on her and her face going dangerously purple. Karin lowered her glasses a bit and stared at her with her red eyes- _oh yes, she was getting good at this psycho team stare thing._ She was still in her black spandex shorts and black tee shirt with purple rings around it and the standard Konoha blue sandals, with the hitai-ate tied to her left thigh. It felt good to be respected ninja again.

Sasuke had, thankfully, traded in his sound uniform, and replaced it with standard chunin pants and shoes. Only the white collared shirt with the Uchiha fan was saved from his "lost" days. Sai looked the same as she'd always seen him but Haruno certainly looked strange.

"Haruno-san, You look like some sort of demon. Maybe you should go for a more earth toned color, that peppermint candy look doesn't suit you." Karin smirked at her while obviously eyeing her red and white dress with only white baggy pants underneath. Before Sakura said anything else, Sai butted in.

"Oh, Naruto will be here soon. Not that he can eat all that much." Like magic, orange pants and a white shirt decorated with little orange swirls jumped through the window and sat between Karin and Sasuke, with a frog happing though the same way and taking the space between Naruto and Sasuke, looking as orange as Naruto.

"So, Naruto, tell me, what is this Uchiha's name?" Naruto eyes slanted and he chucked one of the coals at Sai's face who deflected, and sulked with the frog. _That_ got everybody worried.

"Naruto, what happened?" Sakura said leaning over Karin to look at Naruto closely.

"I gwew wif gamakishie." Seeing everyone's puzzled look, the frog and Naruto stuck out their tongues to show three tongue piercings in a row. Ah. They couldn't talk.

"You idiot! Why would you do something like that! That could complicate things later on, like during missions." Sakura started ranting and Karin took this opportunity to slip a smoke bomb into one of her pockets. _Best get out of here in 10 minutes._

"Dobe, come over to the compound I need to show you something, Karin helped do it." Sasuke obviously saw the smoke bomb and wanted to get the three of them out of there. Naruto nodded and the frog poofed out of existence, and the three left through the window.

Seven minutes later, Sai and Sakura were apologizing to the barbecue owner Sakura was once again upset that she had been set up. Part of her felt like planning with Hinata but that would be a little too cruel. She'd get Karin back though.

---

When the three sat down in the Uchiha complex's main living room, Naruto gasped and pulled out a paper.

"Baa-tian, unin exam in mith." Karin felt like beating her head against the table.

"Dobe, when will you be able to talk again? I miss the somewhat distinguishable rambling." Naruto glared and splurted out "Domorrow it'll be betta" and handed the papers to Sasuke.

"Uzumaki Naruto, Uchiha Sasuke, and Karin have been nominated to take part in the Chunin exams in the Village Hidden in the Mist under the guidance of Morino Ibiki. This is going to be wonderful. We'll probably be the oldest ones there." Sasuke handed the paper back to Naruto who looked as if he wanted to say something.

"Really dobe, why did you get your tongue pierced three times?" Karin passed some paper and an inkwell to him and watched his scribbled down chicken scratch.

"I pity your teacher."

_Well it was time for Gamakichi to get his tongue pierced like his dads. Since he's my personal summon I got one with him! Oh! Baa-chan said that there is supposedly a team of twenty-year-olds from a new village competing. Some whirlpool village or something_.

Naruto handed the paper out for them both to see and made off to have Shizune see if anything could be done to let him speak better- and sooner.

---

Sasuke and Karin's dinner that night was a quiet one. Before he got up to leave she stopped him and pulled out a file.

"Sasuke…does Naruto know anything about his mother or father? Does he even know that his a descendant of the Yondaime and a former Whirlpool Ninja?" Sasuke sighed and sat down besides her, glancing over the Uzumaki-Namikaze file.

"Not one clue. Not one clue about any of that. Tsuande, Jiraiya, the council, Kakashi and Gai might know, but no one else. I only know because of Orochimaru's knowledge of Konoha. You've been snooping through files?" Karin slumped against Sasuke and took her glasses off to rub her nose's bridge.

"Someone…is bound to see a connection. And it was actually part of a mission but that is not whats important. How do you think he'll handle it?"

This, perhaps, had been the first serious moment Karin considered Naruto, not just Jinchuriki. Even though there were admittedly close friends she'd been close to some of her own experiments. It was quiet easy to see naruto as a non-human too. Almost everything he did had an air of impossibility too it that just wasn't normal. The fox like facial expressions of cemented the case but now he was much more real. He was human and he was going to _react_ to this news. It was absolutely guaranteed that he wouldn't go on a killing rampage, but they couldn't help but wonder…

From a Village that offered so little, what would he do if somebody actually wanted him? Sasuke looked out of a window and into the village, feeling as he assumed Naruto had felt when he left.

"Uzumaki, who has perfect spiraling wind attack…and a village of whirlpools. Would you go with him?" Karin left after that question, not bothering to wait for Sasuke's answer- it was probably the same as hers.

---

"So, Tsunade, should tell him or should I?" Jiraiya sat in front of the Hokage's desk placing a bottle of Sake and two cups down.

"And tell him what? Oh Naruto, You know the man that sealed a demon inside of you? He's your father. And you know that desolate village that's finally regrouping after about, 34 years? That was your mother's homeland, and they want their noble back. That will go over _wonderfully._" Tsunade spat.

"Maybe I should take him there…before the exam. He won't deal well with these surprises, and we don't know how that team will approach him."

"Just go Jiraiya and do something!" Tsunade looked at the portrait of the Yondaime. This called for another bottle of sake.

_Minato…what on earth were you thinking?_

---

"Oh Boss! Over here!" Konohamaru dashed towards Naruto who was heading into his beat down apartment building.

"Eh? What's the matter Konohamaru? GAAH!" The shorter boy jumped full body into Naruto, making both of them topple over the edge of the hallway and into the ground four stories below.

"Oh...my ass..." Naruto hit the kid on his head again.

"Serves you right! I could have been carrying ramen!" Konohamaru bristled and stood up right into the other's face.

"Yeah? WELL YOU GOT THE PIERCING WITHOUT ME!" Naruto blinked then laughed a little.

"Thats right, you wanted to get a tattoo with me right? Eh, we'll go back tomorrow. I only found the place cause Sai drew some of the designs for there. Don't get one of his by the way- his perverted ass probably has Sasuke's ass camouflaged in the drawings."

"Tch. Fine Boss." Konohamaru paused and looked at the ground, scuffing his sandals on the ground."You know that Konoha wouldn't be the same withouthcha, right?Plus.. Plus who else is going to be my rival for Hokage? You'd better get you ass in shape Naruto! Just cause you've got a girlfriend doesn't mean that you can slack off!" Naruto stared at the genin running off into the distance with his scarf waving behind him.

"...I think he's drunk."


	5. Chapter 5

AN: No one told Naruto about his heritage yet. Call it a mess in the paper work if you will. And here is your one and only warning for this chapter- Original Characters- they'll be everywhere. The moment you think you'll be safe with a canon character, one will pop up. Have fun with the Chunin exams!

* * *

After three days of non stop travel, Team Ibiki arrived at the Village Hidden in the Mist, only to have their leader leave for a mission and leaving Karin, Sasuke, and Naruto's well being with the other Konoha instructor present- Ebisu. From the village gates to the meeting room, Karin, Naruto, and Konohamaru abused Ebisu in the most inappropriate ways imaginable, and quite frankly Sasuke thought it was genius. He explained to Moegi and Udon that The Mist village wasn't too keen on _strange_ people, like himself and Naruto. But who would want to bother a few Genin that danced naked in the streets? Ebisu stopped them before the building and put on a serious demeanor.

"Konohamaru, Udon, Moegi. This is the first Chunin exam I've allowed you to enter, I expect nothing less from then your best. Honor your village and DON'T LISTEN TO THEM!" His veins bulged as he pointed to Karin and Naruto who just smiled. The three youngest walked into the building and left Ebisu to the other team.

"You three, however… I am beginning to wonder if there is a conspiracy against you Naruto, Uchiha. This year only six teams have opted to take the chunin exams and I will tell you why so shut up." that last part was direct to Naruto, who undoubtedly was about to shout about the chances of him being a chunin. Ebisu sighed and push up his glasses again.

" There will be very little real competition against you. That does not mean that this is not a serious affair. The Mist village is perhaps the least trusted of all the Shinobi fortifications, so many of the nations would rather have their genin wait another six months then come here. There are two teams from Konoha, Two from the Mist, one from Whirlpool, and…one from Sound. Do I need to spell that out for you?" Tension appeared on their faces, for different reason.

"And about the team members themselves. Expect you to know them or for them to know you. I'd tell you all good luck, but you don't need it." Ebisu poofed off and left the three of them standing there. Naruto, as faithful as always, broke the silence.

"So what do you think is going on with the Sound team?" Sasuke and Karin both looked uncomfortable but Sasuke spoke up first.

"I didn't know that there were any genin teams ready to take the exams nor do I have any idea how they even managed to enter without a leader." Karin snorted.

" There were no shinobi teams ready. The only people that were capable of attacking without Orochimaru's control were the Sound Four, Hebi, and the prisoners. The team in there is probably full of experimented people that I've watched over. And guess who else is in that room?" Agitation rolled off of her while pointing her thumb to the small building. Naruto tried to guess and only received a kick to the stomach. Sasuke grimaced and answered anyway.

"It's Suigetsu, isn't it?" Between watching her nod and Naruto gripping his stomach, Sasuke wondered why he wanted to be a chunin so much.

* * *

Greetings were uncomfortable especially since the Mist village was not as loose as Konoha in terms of social gatherings. The room they enter had seven tables with three places at each, one table elevated and before them all with three serious looking Jounin and seven Anbu standing behind them. The remaining six were in rows of two.

"Naruto! Over here!" Konohamaru shouted without any sense of self preservation, and would have been more then likely scared into submission from the other teams, if the other teams weren't as eager. Out of a sense of responsibility they scouted out who was surrounding the younger genin.

Team 13, which consisted of the Konoha Genin, sat directly in front of the Jounin in the center, which would have been the safest place in the room, if either side was not flanked by a Hidden Mist team. To their left sat Suigetsu who dived his time between smirking at Team Ibiki and glaring at a much smaller girl on the other Mist team. Suigetsu's team could be described as the perfect ideals of the village, since the other two members were as ready for battle as Suigetsu was. The girl that sat next to him was wearing a deep aqua coat that looked as if were meant for someone three times her size and had dark hair in a single braid. The last member had short brown hair with a rather unremarkable face, only keeping an umbrella next to him.

Mist team number two look far younger, probably closer to Team 13's age if their eagerness had anything to show for it. The again, Karin looked over at Naruto as they sat down like a deranged dog. The tallest member of their team looked very strange, the material of his form fitting clothes looked horrible, but every time he moved, different colors would show through. His head was shaved, though you could see from his eyebrows that it had been a dark pink, red if lucky. The second boy wore his black hair underneath a bandana, but he, like Sasuke, wore standard issue clothes. Karin and Sasuke's eyes trailed to the young girl Suigetsu was glaring at. She wore a loose pink kimono top with a darker pattern running over it, which matched the short sword sheath she held on the desk.

While Naruto was yelling with Konohamaru- they refused to call it talking- Karin and Sasuke started talking is hushed whispers about the two swordsmen in the room. They tried as hard as they could to ignore the teams flanking _them_. The scariest team in the bunch had to be made of older, haggard looking men with sound bands on them. Karin blanched when they all turned to glare at her. Not a single looked as if they had any shinobi training and despite their size everything about them looked sickly and decayed.

"PSSST. Sasuke!" Naruto ducked his head between Karin and Sasuke. "Who's running the Sound now?" His mouth opened to respond but Karin's foot met Naruto's face.

"Didn't we just answer that outside?!" Their entire team looked ridiculous when they all talked. While the other two kept arguing and smacking each other Sasuke looked over at the last team.

Unlike the common team setup, this one had two female and one male member but strangely enough the dynamics didn't seem to feminine. The male looked the oldest and most of his hair was tucked under a cap. Besides his shorts all of his clothing was fish net like the blonde female next to him. With only bandages covering her chest and form fitting black shorts netting was all over her body. She was doting over the last girl whom Sasuke _knew_ Naruto would hate. She looked bored but cocky at the same time. She wore blue capri's and a black tee shirt.

Sasuke's eyes widened when he realized that she was wearing the same shirt as Naruto. Black with an orange spiral and the engraved spirals on their arms. When she noticed him watching her the other stopped what they were doing and she had the nerve to _smirk_ at _him_. He turned away with one last look to their hitai-ate's, the spiral symbol.

* * *

Karin nearly fell asleep as the proctors droned on about the system of the first part of the exam. What twenty minutes of lecture had boiled down to was that teams were going to be paired up and had to solve a situation problem. The head proctor, Yuugiji, started to announce the team pairs.

"Group One, Team 7 and Team 3. Group Two, Team 13 and Team 1. Finally, Group Three Team 2 and Team 27." No one had moved an inch. Karin supposed that this was part of the exam, finding you actual working partners. Sasuke started to reason which team was which, obviously not with Konohamaru's but-

"Oi! Where's Team 3! We're Team 7!" Naruto.

The second Mist team started waving and Team 7 sat down with them, Naruto nursing yet another kick in the face. Sasuke took the initiative to introduce themselves.

"Hello. My name is Sasuke Uchiha, this is Naruto Uzumaki, and Karin. You are?" Naruto started giggling and Karin smiled- Sasuke had forced himself into asking an actual question. The colorful one spoke for them.

"I am Akimu Yumistu! These are Takarou Konriku and Haruka Ryou." They seemed pretty pleasant.

"Hey Haruka, why is Suigetsu glaring at you? Did you put a sponge in his bed or something?" She laugh a little before pulled put her short sword.

"There are Seven Swordsmen of the Mist. Zabuza and Kisame are dead and Suigetsu has both of their swords. While he's been gone however, new swordsmen were inducted so there is only one spot open. Doujima-sama has been mentoring me, so I have a better chance at it." At the end of her explanation she turned around to stick her tongue out at Suigetsu across the room. Her teammates sighed, as if used to this, and Karin was about to give her some advice on dealing with that idiot, but Sasuke and Naruto's identical gasps' alerted them. Apparently their question had been given.

* * *

Konoha's team 13 stared oddly at the older people in front of them. Udon sniffled a little and the buggers went up his nose, a maneuver they discovered gross people out and gave them the upper hand in conversations- to date the only ones not effect were Ibiki, Naruto, Uncle Asuma, their parents, and Godaime. And these beachy freaks in front of them.

"Hullo! I'm Moegi! That's Konohamaru and that's Udon!" Moegi hadn't changed that much, just growing a bit taller and her pigtails merged into one low ponytail. Udon's allergies were under control, for the most part, and he kept his hair slicked back, and no, not with buggers. Konohamaru still idolized Naruto and the Sandaime, enough was said there.

The other team smirked at each other and the risqué looking wire girl spoke up for them. " Hello Konohamaru-kun, Udon-kun, Moegi-chan. I am Suberu. This here is Jin," She paused and tilted her head to either side as she introduced her teammates. "And this is Kamimi Rizuma." The drowsy one perked up and swept her orange elbow length hair to one side.

"So, Konohamru, You know that blonde over there right?" She pointed to Naruto who was talking with his teammates and their partner. At the boys nod she smiled and he blushed. To Konohamaru it looked like kind of smile a mother gives but much _much_ prettier. To Jin, he marveled at how such a bratty kid could pull off something so gentle looking. Suberu spoke up again as their question came to them.

"You are dying and your teammates have lost one arm and one leg. The exam requires you to have all limbs, but will accept only two out of three making it to the final round. How would you attach the limbs?" Every girl at the table blanched, while Konohamaru made a disgusted face and was slack in the jaw.

"Udon-san…do you get it too?" The boy looked across to Jin and nodded while they both started to perform the Kai jutsu, trying to be discreet from the other teams.

* * *

The other matched teams in the room stayed in silence while the other two buzzed with each other. Fuuki, who sat next to Suigetsu, took the question and passed it along to their other member, Makeru. All of them silently nodded and Takeru performed Kai on the paper, reveling the correct instructions. The Sound team growled.

"You little brats! What the fuck's on that paper?!" Shobaki, Nibaki, and Sanbaki made up the sound team, all escaped prisoners with no real names, save for the ones the created themselves. The first three experiments on Baki Island stared at Suigestu, who they knew was a former experiment but likewise a teammate of Karin, an experimenter and warden. The pale man smiled and hefted Zabuza's old sword up.

"You're done. You should have just stayed away from here." Without making another sound Suigetsu swung the sword and took off the three heads, all of them landing on the floor but blood splattered everywhere. Makeru and Fuuki simply wiped the blood off of them. The other teams reacted more prolific.

"WHAT THE HELL SUIGETSU!"

"You oafish sea sponge. You're going to get it now."

"AHH DUCK YOUR HEADS DUCK YOUR HEADS!"

"Oh give me strength. Is there anything more to the Bloody Mist?"

* * *

After the commotion settled down and the blood was mopped up, the other two teams returned to their questions. Jin read out what the paper said without genjutsu on it.

" You have passed. Do whatever you deem appropriate to the other team." Team 13 gulped. They did not seem to think they could handle the Whirlpool team. Kamimi offered another smile.

"Don't worry. It would be a bad idea to kill you kids. It'll work out much better if your alive…just remember that alright?" The three shaky genin squished themselves together and waited for the last team to finish. The Whirlpool ninja glanced at each other.

The little brat in the scarf was one step closer to Naruto and no one can argue that the baby genin do not owe them _on their honor_.

* * *

Takarou's gentle voice read out the question for the 5th time, still not believing it.

"You are dying and your teammates have lost one arm and one leg. The exam requires you to have all limbs, but will accept only two out of three making it to the final round. How would you attach the limbs? Our sensei's can't be serious…can they?" He looked over to his teammates, hoping for reassurance but they both shrugged. Then he looked over to the Konoha team, Karin seemed aggravated and stared up at the ceiling, Naruto the opposite with his head bent down, glaring at the poor table, and Sasuke was-

looking right at him and frowning and then he spoke.

" So, _teammates_, which one of you would like to sacrifice your limbs?" Karin snickered at the team's paleness, not that they were dark to begin with, but she could swear that Akimu started going purple around the lips. Naruto didn't seem to find it funny, oddly enough.

"Sasu-teme! What the hell is that!" Naruto grabbed the question out of Takarou's hand and started crumbling it , his nails accidentally piercing the paper, which gave a subtle burst and dispelled, good as new, onto the center of the table with a new message. Hakura finished reading first and immediately drew her blade towards Naruto, whose body covered most of the table in effort to read the paper. He ducked and rolled foreword fully across the table to their side. She didn't have enough time to follow him with her eyes, since a pale hand grabbed her wrist and brought her entire arm backwards and locking her in a head lock. It was Sasuke, and she saw that Naruto was sitting on Takarou and Karin had Akimu disabled. Sasuke spoke again.

"Drop you're weapons, we're not going to hurt you." Karin nodded and Naruto went off on some nonsense about him wanting to be friends, a dattebayo showing up in his speech every now and them. Takarou at least seemed thrilled with him. Haruka sighed, they were idiots of a chicken feather. No one as thick as they seemed could ever be able to fly above the ground, much less be a graceful feather on someone that could. Her team all slacked, and they were released.

* * *

The next portion of the test happened directly afterwards. The five teams were lead to a shallow swamp and they could barely see ten feet around them. They had a few minutes to themselves before the proctors came so they congregated into smaller groups. The Whirlpool ninja stood on their own as did Suigetsu's team. Takarou and Konohamaru's team stuck hovered around Naruto, and talked about some funny since they all had tears in their eyes and hands on their bellies. Haruka and Akimu slumped next to a tree talked in hushed whispers and glaring at Suigetsu. Karin and Sasuke hurried over to his side. He stood straighter and genuinely smiled at them.

"I can't believe you're still letting her follow you around. But it keeps away the whores, doesn't it? They have some sort of sense for those things right?" Karin looked barely able to contain herself, luckily his female teammate did it for him. A gloved handed struck out from the jacket and sliced through Suigetsu's fingers, little droplets of water splashing to the ground before they reformed using the mist. He pouted.

"That's not nice Fuuki." The girl stayed silent but perked up when Sasuke talked. The other male member was splashing some of the Sound blood off of him in the water.

"So you're still the same as always. Karin is just a teammate and you know that." He made a smirk and a pointed head nudging towards Naruto. "She's into something a bit more orange this time around." All that followed was a crack and two very loud splashes. Karin spun into the air and kicked both Suigetsu and Sasuke into the water, one dissolving, the other getting muddy. Fuuki had a scandalized look on her face as she helped the two up, while the other clapped and introduced himself.

"Name's Makeru. I've been waiting for someone to finally crack him one." Fuuki turned red before swiping mud off an unamused Sasuke- she was taking far too long for any common decency. As if my telepathic radar, Naruto's head snapped towards her and Suigetsu, cheek to cheek smiles mirroring each other, a blaring red light flashing in their heads.

FANGIRL ALERT!

A cough was heard and Yuugiji stepped into the foggy clearing with fifteen scrolls.

* * *

All the ninja were in a circle and Karin had Konohamaru to her right and the male Whirlpool ninja to her left. From Konohamaru clockwise was Haruka, Sasuke, Udon, Fuuki, Suberu, Naruto, Suigetsu, Moegi, Akimu, the other whirlpool girl, and Takarou. Yuugiji gave clear concise instructions.

"You each have a scroll with two people featured in it. I know some Hidden Villages prefer a drawn out survival challenges, but it is in experience that survival in a split second. The first person you must attack and either knock unconscience or kill. The second person you must defend and keep aware and alive. Not only that but you must also look after yourself. You will use only two techniques, skills, whatever you prefer, but only two. Anymore and you will be disqualified. You have three minutes to formulate a plan, and that's being _gracious_. When you hear the whistle, go.

Karin looked around the circle wondering how this was going to play. Did they need to only succeed in one, both, or none? She closed her eyes and locked on to Udon's and Suberu's chakra. She had to protect Udon and attack Suberu. Oh well, at least she got the pleasure of attacking a Whirlpool ninja. PHEEEEEEEEW!

Karin felt at least ten sebon needles needles drive into her back when she rushed to knocked Suigetsu's sword away from Udon and flung her kunai at Suberu simultaneously. She blanked out when she felt Suigetsu deflect her foot and go to chop the unaware Udon in half, when a body "landed" on him and his sword. It was the orange haired whirlpool girl. Yuugiji's voiced bellowed out,

"STOP!" and she performed a fog clearing jutsu. Karin didn't even notice the other attack going on around her. Konohamaru was down, but alive, as was Akimu. The most surprising fall, was her target's. _Who she didn't manage to hit._ All of the other were up and alive.

"Congratulations to all that are standing. You will return in a month's time. To prepare you, please release your scrolls to see who your first opponent will be and line up with them. Karin reopened her scrolls and found Fuuki's face staring back at her. Naruto was comforting Udon, who had been paired up, Takarou and Jin were sizing each other up, or more like looking up in Takarou's case. Moegi and Makeru bowed to each other. The most open hostility was between the final two pairings, Sasuke and Kamimi and Suigetsu and Hakura.

* * *

The Konoha teams were trudging out of the Mist village, Konohamaru very glumly and griping that he was going to find out who attacked him and squish him like a bug.

"And then we'll feed him to a dog! right Naruto?" Naruto just smiled and looked over to Karin, still smiling and air miming bashing Konohamaru's head. Her eyes bugged and mouthed 'you?' and he nodded, snickering a little. Just twenty feet out of the village and Karin felt her stomach rumble in hunger. A moment passed before she screamed bloody murder.

"Naruto I hate you! I'm starving and you know what I'm craving? DO YOU KNOW?!" Naruto looked at Sasuke, then back at her, and ran as fast as he could down the road with his bag filled with instant ramen.

"Get your ass back here now!"

* * *

AN: I was going to include the 3rd part of the exam as well, but this got too long and I need a good 5,7 days of playing soul caliber to write that. Expect a plot, real action, and maybe even the first kiss.


	6. Chapter 6

AN: I can't even begin to say sorry. This wait will never happen again. This chapter has been lost over seven times until I took a long break. I've fixed up some of the earlier chapters and added a scene to the last one. Once again, my bad and never again.

It was the tenth meeting of the "Save Naruto!" Committee in Konoha, and its board members were looking to keep things in line. Sasuke, head of the association, began the role call and asked how each of their units were doing.

"Shikamaru?"

"The past three graduating classes and the current enrolled students have a two to one ratio of membership and twelve volunteers for twenty four hour Naruto watch." And With that their lazy genius went back to his lunch between Sai and Ino, wondering if they did that on purpose.

"Sai?"

"Most of Root thinks this is an assignment. Oh, and Danzou doesn't know. Yet."

"Could be better, Sakura?"

"All of his medical records and blocked and the people that voted to have him killed have been flagged, both on record and on their houses."

"Good, pass that information onto Shikamaru and have your students make sure no interaction occurs. Neji?"

"The Hyuuga family disproved of Hinata's crush and is putting and end to it. Besides that she will have a guard with her from now on, given that she's going to be the clan leader."

"Karin?"

"You didn't give me a job to do!"

"Yes I did. Ino?"

"Oh come on, surely you can _satisfy_ Naruto, eh Karin? Well anyway, Ichiraku Ramen is now eligible for the small business status and has the ability to give out tabs. Naruto's been signed up."

"Shut the hell up Ino. Just shut up."

"And now... Lee. Our nay sayer."

"How horrible this is of my to say, but why are we doing this? Doesn't Naruto deserve to know that he has a family that wants him? And" Sai leaned over and stuck a fishbone into Lee's mouth from the table.

"Enough out of you. Naruto belongs here. Sasuke, what is it that you've been planning?"

"Oh it'll be done soon. We've got three weeks left until the Chunin exams, so I suggest we double out efforts. Meeting is now dismissed."

"...but what about the lunch?"

"How are we paying for this anyway?" A small cough was heard from the bar. They had been meeting is a high class sushi place to throw Naruto off their trail.

"Shizune-sempai?"

"Well..er um. You see, if naruto were to leave Tsunade would be sad. So it's a priority governmental mission."

"You mean that Naruto won't pay Bobbsie's gambling bills anymore."

"SAI!"

---

The five members of Team Seven stood out in front of the Uchiha District, four of them looking confused, especially since cans of paint, brushes, and various spray cans were all around the entranceway.

"Oi, Sasuke, what going on here?" Sakura had an idea- well more than an idea since Sasuke had mentioned it a few months ago but she didn't think he'd actually do it.

"The Uchiha have been dead for about ten years now. I know it and the village knows it." Sai hugged his boyfriend closer but Sasuke just continued.

"Everything is kept clean and pristine and perfect, and especially, exactly the way it had been. Sai, Karin, I don't think this will effect you too much but I'm doing it anyway." He shrugged Sai's arm off and pulled a few papers out of his pocket and gave them out to each person.

"Easy way to be a landowner, isn't it?" It was strange seeing Sasuke attempt a bright Naruto smile and came off weaker than hoped but was adorable none the less.

"Teme! You want us to live with you! Awesome!" Karin looked over her paper and noticed that her lot was right next to Naruto before glaring at Sasuke.

"If it's about the lot-"

"No. But I told you when I came to the village that I didn't want to be an Uchiha, marriage, adoption, or otherwise." Naruto started choking and uttering profanities, while Sakura poked Sai in the stomach. Apparently he hadn't been given a lot but an old storage facility, perfect for small studio, if it was a little cramped.

"Oh, so where have _you_ been staying Sai?"

"Teme, love you and all but I'm not going to join your clan." Karin was trying to pull Naruto off of Sasuke, who he had in a headlock, only to get elbowed in the gut and fall onto the other two members. Sai groaned, being the cushion for them.

"Can't you not screw up just once dickless?" It was a half an hour later, three lost kunai, and a fire justu til they were mostly composed again. Sasuke was breathing heavy next to Naruto and was able to emphasis his word with a punch.

"You're. Not. Taking. My. Name." Only Naruto was left on the ground, mostly because Karin was driving her heel into his stomach.

"You're painting your buildings. I want this place to be for team seven alone." The nodded and got to work.

---

Sakura was having fun with her decorations. By vote they decided to have the number seven written on all they're homes in the black paint but from their it was _go time_. Now to be fair she shouldn't have been leaping for joy at getting a large spacious house for free, with furniture, utilities paid for, easy access to the main centers of ninja activity as opposed to the civilian district across town and then some- but she was. Oh she was happy. And her parents were going to deal with it.

Practicality went to hell too. Naruto actually took the time to paint every single shingle on his roof the same color orange. The only other addition he made was a large leaf insignia to the back wall. Most of his renovations were to the hard ground outside of the house and backyard. A couple of clones were hard at work breaking the ground and filling it with dirt. Never really took his as a gardening type but here it was.

Karin looked over at her and gave a smirk and thumbs up. Her house's white walls were getting teal stripes and black borders, and black windows. Being a warden for the Sound experiment camps probably took some kind of toll her. Karin jerked her head in Sasuke's direction and Sakura bite her lip to keep from laughing.

Apparently generations of Uchiha tradition did not leave easily. Sai had been using his jutsu the entire time and now the main house was an intricate weaving of blink lines. Karin had personally painted over every single fan in the district.

It was Team Seven's home now. Though, was it odd that they had ninja gear as decorations?

---

Karin had a headache and Sakura couldn't fix it, or the one throbbing in her head. Sasuke was still glaring at Sai waiting for an explanation about why there were three children and their bags moving into one of the other houses.

"Sai, what the hell were you thinking?! Where are their parents?" Sakura cracked her knuckles and waited for the answer.

"Their orphans getting ready to enter the academy next year. Naruto and I saw them at the sign ups today and Naruto was worried. You know how you need to have an address to be a ninja, but enrolling in the academy gets you thrown out of the orphanage? Well they didn't have anywhere to live." Karin uttered a small prayer crushed her foot into Sai's face much like she had for their first meeting.

"So I said that naruto should adopt them. It's a perfect solution!" That got them to stop.

"Huh?"

"The kids, they want to stay in Konoha. If Naruto takes care of them like he promised, he has to stay. It's like that show said that always playing in the hospital, a baby daddy can't leave if the hos' pregnant unless she's been messing around with other homies!"

Karin didn't know what to say. In some awkward world that made sense and she found herself nodding before realizing what eh said. It was official. She was now one of the cracked fruitloops called Konoha Ninja.


	7. Chapter 7

AN: Okay, I apparently lied about the action. Does anybody have a good general styled Naruto fic to rec without a shipping war? Something, plot driven maybe? This is the end of the chunin exams.

---

Everything was going at a moderately normal pace for the final leg of the Chunin exams and it seemed like there really was no deep dark secret, some organization trying to mess things up, or anything like that. The most mess there had been was the fighting and some punks trying to intimidate Moegi, but that was resolved easily.

Udon was still in the emergency room and Naruto was waiting with him feeling a little guilty. He went all out on the kid. She won her match against Fuuki without much fanfare, just a couple of sebon needles. Her fighting didn't really stray from the standard for her village.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH" Killing intent washed over them and Moegi went into the corner to puke. Karin smirked at the horrified girl fighting off Suigetsu. The match was called and Haruka should be happy she still had her life, even if she couldn't be ninja anymore.

Suigetsu really didn't have to throw her foot at her. Haruka was still screaming and hyperventilating when her sensei dragged her out, glaring at Suigetsu. Aw well, its not like the brat was going to be scarred or anything. Just footless. Inwardly Karin berated herself, she had to develop that whole conscience thing that Leaf Ninja took for granted sometimes.

Moegi screamed again and passed out. It was the next battle then.

---

"What do you hope to accomplish here?" She was on level with his brother, that's just how much he hated this girl. Kamimi didn't look like she worked a day in her life, properly, and had the power to drag Naruto out of the leaf. She smirked at him again.

The match began and Sasuke didn't even even _move_ let alone start an actual attack. Kamimi went pale and started sobbing on the ground.

"I give stop it please!" It was absolutely-

Brilliant.

That manipulative bitch just made everyone think he was torturing her with his sharingan. Once Naruto hears about this he'd almost certainly want to talk to her and ask her what it was all about.

"Match to Uchiha Sasuke." He turned around and the theatrics stop, for the most part. She was still sniffling and looking shell shocked. He went back to the waiting area and it was far less crowded than when it all began. Truly the whole exam was disappointing for the crowd with the lackluster battles.

Suigetsu's public disembodiment was probably their highlight. Karin was none to happy either.

"Oi, Sasuke. What were you doing down there?"

"Nothing. She faked everything." She made a dismissing sound and leaned over the banister.

"If a girl's gotta fake it than something's wrong." He cringed at the innuendo. He could only hope that she would never have kids because Konoha had enough perverts as ninjas it was practically a sub-speciality.

"Sasuke, Karin! I saw everything!" Naruto had finally come back to the box, looked around, and proceeded to drag them to a corner.

"Guys, they're something odd about the girl Sasuke just faced." The two former sound ninja shared a look, wondering what Naruto would say. Did she look familiar? Had someone said something? Quickly they ran over some of the distraction ideas the "Save Naruto!" committee had come up with. What would best work in this situation?

"I think she's a dude." Sasuke blinked, and blinked some more. Naruto's face was dead serious. Karin back up and put her hands up in surrender. It was a great relief. The moron hadn't stumbled over the right idea, just an awkward one.

"Your best friend- you explain."

"No really! I mean no one outside of Konoha knows that he's gay and she didn't even make stupid eyes at him! Plus she's been giving me some weird looks."

"And?"

"I'm gunna help him." They didn't know what to do. Whenever he got like this he'd finish it to the end-for better or for worse. Kiba was still trying to get all of the sticky clay out of Akamaru's fur, just as one example. Karin asked first.

"So how are you going to help 'him' ?"

"I'm going to teach him the Sexy Jutsu!" Sasuke hoped he did. If anybody could jar that thing from her over confident attitude, it would be Naruto whether he knew it or not. He was, after all, one of the reasons the academy no longer allowed tofu as a lunch.

---

Karin lost her next fight, and it continued until the last round came- the crowd was happy about this one. It was like the long delayed fight between Naruto and Sasuke was going to happen.

"Naruto Do you really think I'm going to let you win just because I almost 'believe it'?" They were standing only about a foot apart hands clasped on the other's shoulder. She thought they were spending too much time with Gai and Kakashi. Something strange happened then.

Naruto _smirked_.

No one had quiet ever seen his facial muscles contract like that. Seeing it for the first time Karin thought that maybe it was because of how vicious and foxlike he looked. He'd trained it out of his emotions. Most ninja do strip themselves of things whether they realize it or not. Takarou, who'd been beaten mid way through, smiled at the battle and started laughing. He'd really taken a liking to Naruto.

"You know what's going on?"

"Watch what Naruto's going to do." It was amazing, anti-climatic, and cringe worthy. Naruto grabbed Sasuke's shoulder tighter, and kneed him in the groin. To finish off the humiliation Sasuke was sent flying by a punch.

"WOOHOOO! I DID IT! TOLD YOU!" The jounin sighed and raised the flag.

"Match and winner Naruto Uzumaki." Tsunade and Jiraiya, who'd been watching from the hokage's box had their faces hidden in their hands. Not their finest moment as teachers. Takarou meanwhile had stars in his eyes.

"He's so awesome! I'm gunna be like him. Isn't that cool, eh? Eh?" Karin couldn't decide what to be more worried about- Sasuke's sex life or a Naruto fanboy. Either one was dangerous.

---

They were lining up inside the building for the final ceremony and to see who would be instated as a chunin. Kamimi made her move.

"Uzumaki? Hi, I'm Kamimi and I was wondering..." Naruto put his hand up.

"Say no more. I was going to help you anyway. That's what I do." She threw a look over at his teammates, just barely suppressing their need to hit her.

"So you know that the Whirlpool..." He cut her off again.

"Look I don't know what kind of kink you've got, but here." The smoke dispersed and Naruko was standing there in all of her naked glory. She grabbed Kamimi's hand and put it on her chest, making her squeeze it.

"The transformation is pretty easy but you'll probably want to get to know a girl's body before hand. Boobs are great and you can have small, firm ones like you'll probably get, or big ones that-"

"WHAT THE HELL?!" Kamimi jumped back like she was stunned and drew in the attention of the entire room. Most guys were memorized by the site of the action, whether they understood the implication or not.

"I was talking about the Whirlpool village! _Your_ village!" Naruko looked confused.

"Huh?" It was the green light for their last ditch effort in Distracting Naruto. Karin stepped foreward, dragging Naruko by her pig tails and laid one on her. Small as Naruko was, Karin still had to step on her tip toes to properly kiss him, in either form. Naruko took the glasses off of her and deepened the kiss, ignoring everybody else in the room.

Takarou was bothered and not in the good way.

"B-but is Narutoa guy or a girl? Is _she_ a guy or a girl?! Does he like girls?" An old hand clapped on his shoulder.

"Don't be bothered by it, just enjoy the free show." Sasuke sighed at Jiraiya's bloody face.

"Pervert."

"Karin's hands are slipping somewhere..." It was enough for Kamimi and the rest of the Whirlpool team. They promptly left as soon and their Kage came for them with no promotions. Tsunade was sitting there more amused than anything.

"You know, Jiraiya, I can see what you like about this so much." Sasuke now groaned, guiding a young and horribly shattered Takarou to his team leader.

"Your only just saying that cause you've been watching Sasuke and Sai." He stopped and a cosmic reevaluation happened- he realized he was encouraging the problem of Konoha ninjas. They didn't want him back for his loyalty or skills. They wanted porn.

"Live with it Sasuke, live with it and know that it's a way of Leaf Ninja men and woman. Your dad would have been proud. He had quiet the show in his chunin days, let me tell you..."

—

"Cheer up Naruto. They're plenty of awesome ninja who've been genin their entire lives."

"That's not really helpful." The entirety of team seven was sitting at the ramen stand, for once buying Naruto's stomach through its depression.

Apparently that knock to Sasuke's manhood and aggressive behavior in battle wasn't "chunin" material. Naruto remained the only genin in their class, or the three classes after them.

"The vest wouldn't have matched your outfits anyway. It's not like Tsunade-sama'll curb your missions. She'll probably send you on more because genin pay is cheaper." Sasuke wouldn't gloat, he promised himself that he wouldn't.

"Yeah, but who'd want a small dicked genin to protect them?" It's what he had Sai for.

"I HATE ALL OF YOU!"

"Thanks the spirit!"


End file.
